Should this introduction be more concise or verbose?

[MooCow]

I want to introduce the player to Call of Cthulhu in 1850s France. I want to make him aware of the level of technology and a bit about the political stage. What else would a player be interested in learning about this world from the start? Is it boring already? (This scenario will not include any combat, so yes, I can describe rifles, but I don't think they'll come up during the campaign.)




"God is dead! The sky is empty...
Cry, children! You no longer have a father!"
- Gérard de Nerval, 1854


France, January the first, 1850.

The industrial revolution is in full swing. Boiler driven steam boats have begun to traverse rivers, railroad tracks are beginning to stretch out from Paris, and people have even taken to the sky in giant balloons. While the public still has to make do with mail and messengers, the government can now coordinate near instantaneously via the electric telegraph.

Following his invasion of Rome last year, president Louis-Napoleon, and his political "entrustees", are in open conflict with the roman-catholic church as well as his own parlament. The printing presses seem to spit out an ever faster pace of anti-parlament newspapers, but a gentleman like you prefer proper newspapers like The Press.

[Valyar]

I would say that two paragraphs are not enough and I am keen to read more on the setting you will present :)

[MooCow]

I would say that two paragraphs are not enough and I am keen to read more on the setting you will present :)

Okay, so what exactly would you want to know about the world? (The character archetype of the player character - the gentleman - will be explained in a separate section.)

[damned]

The state of the economy, the smell of the streets, some headlines from both sides...

[Trenloe]

[Moved thread from the CoreRPG ruleset sub-forum to the Commons sub-forum]

[MooCow]

The state of the economy, the smell of the streets, some headlines from both sides...

I considered your proposals, but they don't really seem relevant to a campaign that won't actually be about politics or the economy. ...or stenches. Sorry.

The streets are actually fairly okay by now, at least in the finer neighbourhoods. There's newly built underground sewer systems in the largest French cities. ...but the smell is something that the characters are just used to, just like we're used to breathing combusted gasoline. Any lingering cholera and bad streets, I'll describe as the characters encounter them. Paris just had a big outbreak of cholera last year.


[Moved thread from the CoreRPG ruleset sub-forum to the Commons sub-forum]
Yeah, I figured it would get moved. Sorry.

[LordEntrails]

I could see the next paragraph start with something like;
You are a gentleman who...
As a gentleman you spend your mornings reading the Press while sipping your cafe and then you turn to your ledgers... The evenings you spend in a parlour, perhaps your own or a friend's, with the company of... discussing...

To me, that would give a nice flavor as to the generic character type and useful information and setting for such a character. Perhaps you could name drop so they have a few NPCs to draw upon.

[MooCow]

I could see the next paragraph start with something like;
You are a gentleman who...
As a gentleman you spend your mornings reading the Press while sipping your cafe and then you turn to your ledgers... The evenings you spend in a parlour, perhaps your own or a friend's, with the company of... discussing...

To me, that would give a nice flavor as to the generic character type and useful information and setting for such a character. Perhaps you could name drop so they have a few NPCs to draw upon.

So nothing more about the world setting then? That would mean that I'm finished. I can always restructure my phrasings later. This text I just hastily transcribed from my background documents in five minutes.

Keep in mind that this is supposed to be a world setting introduction for the entire group of players. I took the liberty of having them all subscribe to the most common right-wing newspaper at the time, but if I dictate more than that, that'd probably feel a bit too controlling, and it's also something geared toward events occuring to them inside an adventure, which would be a separate description.

[LordEntrails]

Then imo that good, as long as their is more character specific information coming, not a problem with just that.