11 ways to be a better role player

[damned]

Stolen off the web: https://lookrobot.co.uk/11-ways-better-roleplayer-safe-work-version/


11 ways to be a better roleplayer, the Safe for Work version
This is the “safe” version of the 11 ways text with all the rude bits removed if you want to share it with someone who’s upset by profanity. The original rude version, complete with swear words, is available here.

ONE. Do stuff.
Job One for you as a player is to do stuff; you should be thinking, at all times – “What are my goals? And what can I do to achieve them?” You are the stars of a very personal universe, and you are not going to get anywhere by sitting on your butt and waiting for adventure to come and knock on your door.
Investigate stuff. Ask questions. Follow leads. No-one needs you to point out that this is an obvious plot thread while you do it. Mix up scenes, talk to people, get up in their grill. If you’re not playing the sort of character that would do such a thing, find something you can affect, and affect it.
If you keep finding yourself pushed to the back of scenes and twiddling your thumbs – why is such a boring character hanging around with the sort of people that Get Stuff Done?
Be active, not passive. If you learn nothing else from this article, bloody learn this.

TWO. Realise that your character does not exist outside of the things you have said.
You can write as many pages of backstory as you like, mate, but they don’t factor in one bit to the game unless you show them happening. Are you a shrewd businessman? Cool. Do some business, shrewdly, in front of everyone else. Are you a hot jazz saxophonist? Play the saxophone. Are you a wild elf struggling through social interactions with civilised people? Struggle through those interactions! Don’t go off and sit in a tree!
This ties back into the first point, really; you only exist through your actions. It is not the responsibility of other players to read your backstory, and their characters cannot read minds. Well. Some of them can, but you know what I mean. They shouldn’t have to.
So display your talents, your traits, your weaknesses, your connections. Take every opportunity to show, and not tell, the other people at the table what your character is about.

THREE. Don’t try to stop things.
Negating another player’s actions is fairly useless play; it takes two possible story-changing elements and whacks them against each other so hard that neither of them works. For example, your fighter wants to punch some jerk, but your monk’s against it, so he grabs the fighter’s hand. In game terms, nothing’s happened. All you’ve done is waste time, and we don’t have infinite supplies of that.
Instead, go with the flow. Build. If the fighter wants to break someone’s nose, what happens after that? Does your monk rush to help the jerk up? To admonish the fighter? To apologise to the jerk’s friends, before **** really kicks off? To save the fighter in the big brawl that ensues, even though he was going against your will? Or to throw the biggest guy in the tavern right at him, to really teach him a lesson? Those are all examples of interesting stories. Stopping him from doing anything whatsoever isn’t.
Don’t negate, extrapolate. (See, that rhymes, so it’s easier to remember)

FOUR. Take full control of your character.
“My character wouldn’t do that” is a boring excuse, a massive NO to the game’s story on a fundamental level. It’s a point-blank refusal to participate.
Instead of being bound by pre-conceived notions of what your character would and would not do, embrace complications and do it, but try to work out why. Why is your Rogue doing this mission for the church? Does he have ulterior motives? Is it out of a sense of companionship with the rest of the party? Characters in uncomfortable situations are the meat and drink of drama.
(Do you remember that great story about that hobbit who told Gandalf to go away, and sat at home picking his hairy toes all day before his entire village was swallowed up by the armies of darkness? No. No you bloody don’t. So put on your backpack and get out there, Frodo)
If you keep finding yourself having to explain your actions, or not wanting to go along with group decisions because of your character’s motives… well, maybe your character’s motives are wrong. They’re not written in stone. The group’s the thing, not your snowflake character, and if they’re not working, drop them off at the next village and maybe try playing someone more open to new ideas. Maybe work with the group to build a character that fits in.
Your character is part of the story; this is not your character’s story.

FIVE. Don’t harm other players.
Oh ho, here’s a jolly thief that nicks stuff from the other party members! And their Sleight of Hand roll is so high that no-one will ever notice! Gosh, what a jape.
No-one likes that guy. (That guy generally plays Kender, and I am fully of the opinion that Kender should be promptly genocided out of all RPGs. I don’t think genocide is a crime if we’re talking about Kender.) If you steal from other players, you are exerting power over them in a really messy, underhanded sort of way. If they find out, what are they going to do? Are you going to force them to escalate? Is it fair if they kill you for it? Is that fun for them?
Similarly, attacking other players is awful, too. I’m okay with this where systems fully support and encourage this, of course – something like Paranoia or Dogs in the Vineyard – but, hey, give it a rest. I am hard-pressed to think of a way where such a thing improves the game; if your group is fine with it, discuss it beforehand. But keep me out of it.
There are a whole load of things out there to steal from and beat up and kill that won’t get offended when you do it to them, so go bother them first.

SIX. Know the system, don’t be a jerk about it.
If you know a system, you are easier to GM for, because you know your character’s limitations. You can calculate the rough odds of a particular action succeeding or failing, just like in real life. You can make prompt assessments of situations and act accordingly, because you understand the rules of the world.
(New players, of course, get a free pass on this one. But do make an effort to learn the rules, obviously, if you’re keen on sticking around in the hobby.)
But for the love of God, don’t rules-lawyer. Do not do that. It is not hard to work out, because here is a simple guide – if you are arguing over a rule for more than twenty seconds, you are a rules lawyer. You are the Health and Safety Inspector of roleplaying games, and you need to stop talking, because you are sucking the fun out of the game.
There are times when the rules are wrong, and that’s fine, but I’m hard-pressed to think of that time the guy remembered the rule and we all laughed and had a great time because he made the GM change it.

[damned]

Part II

SEVEN. Give the game your attention. If you can’t give your full attention, step away from the table.
Hey! What’s that you’re playing, on your phone there? Oh, is it Candy Crush Saga? That’s funny, all these dice and character sheets gave me the impression that we were playing Dungeons and Bloody Dragons, I must be terribly mistaken.
It is hard to think of a way to be more dismissive of someone’s game than playing a different game during it. If you find yourself getting so bored by what’s going on you’re resorting to playing a game on your phone, or reading a book, or checking Facebook, then step away from the game. You are draining the group with your very presence. I would rather have an empty chair than someone who wasn’t paying attention, because I don’t have to entertain an empty chair.
And of course, it’s up to the GM to offer an entertaining game. This is not one-sided. But going back to point one, act whenever you can. Give them something to work with. Unless you’re paying them money to do this, they are under no obligation to dance like a monkey for you just because they’re behind the screen.

EIGHT. If you make someone uncomfortable, apologise and talk to them about it.
I have a rule in my games, and that rule is: “Nothing has sex with anything else.” Simple. Clean. Elegant. No sexual conduct; it’s weird, often. I’ve had seduction attempts, obviously, and that’s fine. I’ve had characters deeply affected by sexual assault. But, and this is the crucial thing here, nothing had sex with anything else “onscreen.”
In situations like the ones we find ourselves in on a weekly basis, it’s easy to make people feel uncomfortable. Maybe it’s as blatant as discussing dead babies; maybe it’s something much more benign, like being rude or chatting them up in-character.
If you think you might have upset someone, then ask ‘em, quietly. And if you have, apologise, and stop talking about that particular thing. It’s not rocket science; that’s how existing as a functioning social human being works, and somehow because we’re pretending to be a halfling for a bit, we often forget how to do it.
So, you know, be nice. Be extra nice. No-one’s going to think any less of you for it.

NINE. Be a Storyteller.
The World of Darkness books call their GM a Storyteller, because they are very obviously unable to call a spade a spade. But they have a point; a GM is telling stories. It’s easy to forget that the players are doing that too.
So put some effort in, eh? Say some words. Develop a character voice and stance. Describe your actions. Work out a level of agency with the GM so you can chip into wider descriptions, or just make assumptions and describe it and see if it sticks. A good GM should go with what you’re saying, anyway, unless it really goes against their plan.
Similarly, brevity = soul of wit, and all that. A good GM doesn’t monologue, or have their NPCs have long discussions, or make players sit back and watch while their world plays out. So know when to shut up, and to keep your descriptions short – unless you’re an incredible storyteller, of course. But short and punchy is always better than long and flowery.

TEN. Embrace failure.
Failure can be embarrassing. I know that I get pretty het up when the dice don’t favour me – when I’ve spent ages waiting to have my turn in a large game, say, or when I’m using some special power, or when I’ve been talking a big talk for a while or described some fancy action – and I use some pretty bad language, too. And not “fun” bad language, like we all do when we’re gaming. Like threatening “is this guy okay” bad.
And that’s not cool. I need to learn to treat failure as a story branch, not a block. Why did I miss? Why didn’t my intimidation roll work? Why didn’t I pick the lock? Why was I seen? Who worked out that I’m the traitor? What other options can I explore?
Some systems build this in by default – Apocalypse World, for example – and they give you the ability to somehow affect the world whenever you roll the dice, not just fail to affect someone’s Hit Points. That’s great! We need to get ourselves into that mindset by default. We need to view failures as setbacks and explain why our character didn’t achieve their goal, and we need to understand that failure is not the end of the world.

ELEVEN. Play the game.
This is a game. This is not a challenge that exists solely in the head of your GM. This is not your character’s personal story arc. This is not your blog. This is not an excuse to chat up one of the other players. This is not a table to sit at in silence. This is a game.
We have signed up to play a game together. We are all telling a story with each other, to each other, and the story comes first. Step back from the heat of combat; step back from your character’s difficult relationship with their half-Drow mother; step back from the way that the Paladin’s player keeps stealing your dice.
This is a game. Respect the other players. Respect the story, and act in service of it. Respect that you will not always get your way, and that not getting your way can be interesting.
Do what is best for the game. Do what is best for the story. Be active! Be positive! Be interesting! Change things! If you can’t walk away at the end of the night with a good memory, with something that you could talk about in the pub in years to come, then everyone at the table has failed.

[Goltron]

Nice find Damned, I got a lot form that article.
I think everyone could get at least a little bit of advice somewhere amongst that.

[dulux-oz]

Yes, excellent!

The 2nd (linked) article on Acting methods is worth a read as well!

[Black Hammer]

EIGHT. If you make someone uncomfortable, apologise and talk to them about it.
This is, in my opinion, inappropriate. If you unknowingly and accidentally make someone uncomfortable, you do not owe them an apology. Apologies are for acts done with foreknowledge of their consequences. It is just as much the fault of the offended person for not making it clear what their boundaries are as it is the offending person's fault for overstepping them.

Yes, in the future, that person should avoid offending them again that way and it should be discussed so everyone has a better idea of where people's boundaries are, but no apology is owed in any way, shape, or form.

I'm not saying it's OK to be rude, but it's also not OK to expect everyone else to be psychic and know what sets you off.

[Trenloe]

This is, in my opinion, inappropriate. If you unknowingly and accidentally make someone uncomfortable, you do not owe them an apology.
So, if you make someone uncomfortable (even unknowingly) it's inappropriate to apologize when you realize you've made them uncomfortable? Wow...

[Black Hammer]

So, if you make someone uncomfortable (even unknowingly) it's inappropriate to apologize when you realize you've made them uncomfortable? Wow...

To me, an apology is a promise not to do something again. To promise I won't do something I wasn't aware I did in the first place is to lie, because there's no guarantee I won't unknowingly offend you again. I don't believe in telling lies to people.

If your apologies are something else, and that works for you, that's great. And if you feel comfortable promising you won't unknowingly make a mistake again, that's up to you. For my part, though, I would not ever expect anyone to apologize for offense taken from a comment never intended to cause harm.

[damned]

Black Hammer you are only seeing half the point. Apologise and talk about it. If you dont talk about it and work out what the issue is it could continue to occur and become a much bigger issue than it needs to be. Maybe the offended person misunderstood, maybe they are being over sensitive, maybe there is a real issue with what was said, maybe someone is being a real prat. If you know you have upset someone and you ignore it - it will likely become a bigger deal than it needs to be. you are possibly not easily offended - thats great - but sometimes you may end up playing in a group and this becomes an issue.

[Hastur]

If I offend someone unknowingly and accidentally, there is no need to apologize.
If I offend someone knowingly and not accidentally, an apology is hypocritical.
To apologize then is always irrational.
Don't want to offend you, Black Hammer, but what I try to say with bad language skill is, that I am sure, that the functionality of apology is not based only on logical deduction. There must be something more to it. At least my concept of it differs from yours. (By the way: I really like this list of hints for players. I have to send them to my players. :-) )

[Black Hammer]

Black Hammer you are only seeing half the point. Apologise and talk about it.

I absolutely agree it needs to be talked about. But to say, "I'm sorry you felt offended" is no apology at all.

I suppose a lot of it depends on personal perspective. I think communication is an extremely important thing, and we'd all be better off for more of it. If you choose to apologize in that situation, I respect that. But expecting anyone to apologize for it, that seems suspect to me.


If I offend someone unknowingly and accidentally, there is no need to apologize.
If I offend someone knowingly and not accidentally, an apology is hypocritical.
To apologize then is always irrational.
Don't want to offend you, Black Hammer, but what I try to say with bad language skill is, that I am sure, that the functionality of apology is not based only on logical deduction.

Apologies are for mistakes and poor decisions. A decision made wrongly due to incomplete information, however, is not a poor decision. You are creating only two scenarios; in reality, there are plenty of other alternatives beyond the two you listed, for which an apology is appropriate. In English, that fallacy is called a false dilemma or false dichotomy.

If I made a somewhat racial, though not overtly racist joke, and offend someone, I owe them an apology, for the nature of the humor there by definition is that it treads in the edge of what is appropriate.

If I use the word "moist" to refer to a piece of cake, and that offends someone, I do not owe them an apology, because there is no reasonable expectation on my part for that to cause offense.

[GenSmicer]

I'd feel more bad about offending someone unknowingly then when I do it knowingly because then it probably is intentionally anyhow :p. And to apologize when you did it intentionally usually not comes across as a heart felt apology either.

And is this in roleplaying terms or in real life? :p Because an apology not always needs to be talked about if you can do it with certain actions later, especially if you did it unintentionally. It can be hard to talk about something that was unintentionally done, depending on the situation.

And to be fair though, everyone is different, so no matter how much we talk, sometimes we just won't agree on something just because personalities clash. Unless one of the people is good enough to get the other have a change of heart, it'll always be friction between 2 of those people. People never come with a manual, so unless we just find out what we can and can't do to certain people, it'll likely clash at one point in time.

Though just curious, what if we turn it around and it happens to you, how would you feel if someone did it like you described it? Can you tell straight away he did it on purpose or it was an accident?
People aren't always as easy to read, and especially if you are just typing like this or voice chatting(you have some extra there since you can hear a difference in voice if you know them for a while), you simply not get the facial expressions that sometimes go with it as well, so it's a bit harder to find out :p.

And sometimes it might just make the other person feel more comfortable again if you apologize, since it might have still left a lingering effect of the thought that you might do it again. So even if it might have been unintentionally, just think of the extra consequences it might have had on the other persons mental state.

[Black Hammer]

I'd feel more bad about offending someone unknowingly...

So you feel bad for things you have no control over? Psychologically, that's incredibly unhealthy. Feeling guilty for things you didn't do or can't help is extremely counterproductive, as it not only leads to depression but also cheapens your sense of responsibility about mistakes and poor choices you can change in the future.

At the end of the day, it comes down to what your feel is important. Some people put a lot of value on apologies; I find a lot of them to be insincere. I prefer to be around I enough mutual respect with that we're honest with one another instead.

[GenSmicer]

I don't think it's counterproductive, since if you feel guilt, you likely consider it as a mistake you made. And only at that time you likely will consider changing it so that it not happens in however way you do it. The best time to learn things is when you fail or lose. And since you likely not like the feeling of losing/failing, you want to change it so it won't happen again.

And I think you should read the whole sentence and copy it as a whole, since that wasn't really the point I was making :p. And it also depends on the person because a lot of times we realize it way later that we could have known it would hurt them. In the spurt of the moment a lot can happen, especially if humans are involved with each other :p.

[Black Hammer]

I don't think it's counterproductive, since if you feel guilt, you likely consider it as a mistake you made.

Except a decision made with incomplete information is not inherently a mistake, or even a bad decision. If a person takes offense where it was not intended, it is not the fault of the person who made the initial comment, and no apology is owed.

[GenSmicer]

So how do you make someone feel like it was not intended?

[Trenloe]

If a person takes offense where it was not intended, it is not the fault of the person who made the initial comment, and no apology is owed.
Again - missing the point. See post #8 above. I wonder how many times things get out of hand because someone uses pure (blind) logic with social interactions "hey, I didn't know that was making them uncomfortable. Not my fault, I don't need to apologise." Where a simple "I'm sorry, I didn't know." would have worked wonders.

Anyway, we know how you stand, keep going not apologising when you make someone feel uncomfortable. It doesn't invalidate the original recommendation for everyone else who plays RPGs and want to have nice social interactions with other people in general... :)

[Black Hammer]

Again - missing the point. See post #8 above. I wonder how many times things get out of hand because someone uses pure (blind) logic with social interactions "hey, I didn't know that was making them uncomfortable. Not my fault, I don't need to apologise." Where a simple "I'm sorry, I didn't know." would have worked wonders.

It isn't really logic at all. It's a question of both people involved being a human with feelings, and not just the one that was offended.

To say, "I didn't know, and I'll make an effort not to do it again" is part of the correct response; the important parts comes after, in making sure it doesn't happen again.

To say "I'm sorry," well, that just makes you insincere. Because you can't be sorry you did it the first time; you can only be sorry they were offended by it. Now, if you forget what bothers someone (and you will, because we all do) and do that same thing again to upset them, then yes, you probably owe them an apology. And in that situation, I would say I was sorry. In this repeated case, I apologize because I should have known better.

Because you're not apologizing they were offended (which I think we agree would be rude), and you're not apologizing for something you couldn't help (which I think is dishonest), but you're apologizing for forgetting what you'd done before to upset them. Which is something you can avoid, something you want to avoid, and something you can make an effort to change in the future.

I will carry on doing my best not to offend people, and when I do so by accident, I will do my best to avoid doing it again. I deal with hundreds of people a day at my job, co-workers and customers alike; if I apologized for all the things I'm not responsible for or can't change, it would cheapen the real apologies I make for my own failings and mistakes. I certainly have enough of those.

The fascination with "saying sorry" and "apologizing" instead of focusing on more honest communication and doing better in the future is my beef with the original wording. In many years of dealing with people over gaming tables or otherwise, I've rarely seen an apology, honest or otherwise, fix anything, and certainly never by itself. Finding the mistake, finding the point of disagreement, or finding where people's perceptions didn't line up fixes problems, social and otherwise.

We've all had situations arise at the gaming table where somebody unintentionally pushed another player's buttons. I've seen players push the entire table's squick button simultaneously. As a GM, I don't go on a juvenile witch hunt and demand they mumble a particular two-syllable word; I care about whether the player understands what they did to upset people, and whether they now have an understanding of how to avoid doing that again.

Mindlessly saying "sorry" every time someone gets upset is obeying the letter of the law (in this case, manners). It isn't inherently wrong. But it isn't obeying the spirit of the law (behaving so as to avoid offending other people), and by itself, it isn't productive.

[Trenloe]

Wow, I mean wow. I'm going to stop arguing here because we obviously have completely different views and experiences on this. You say "I've rarely seen an apology, honest or otherwise, fix anything", all I can say in response is that I pity you, because I've had many experiences where saying sorry has made a difference. Obviously we move in very different circles - I live in a world where manners are much more than just "the letter of the law", they are a philosophy and great way of living your life and something that I try to maintain. Good luck with the way you live your life...