Favorite last words of players

[Grimaxe]

Level 2 Bard "I'm sure we can pwn a dire bear"

*druid buries the bard, and barbarian in shallow graves after barely downing the beast*
:ninja:

[JohnD]

"Let's just check out one more room before we rest."

"They're just a bunch of CR 1s and 2s... what could happen?"

"Wow we're walking through everything in here."

"I'll wade in... I have Great Cleave and a 23 AC so they can't touch me unless you get a lucky roll."

"John is a big fat jerk."

"Man, this game sucks."

[dulux-oz]

"I'll throw these caltrops on the floor because we're so beat-up I don't want anything ambushing us." A few minutes later: "I dive to the floor."

"It's just a tiger."

"It's only a lion."

"Ah come-on, it's only a wolf."

"What could possibly leave tracks that look like both an eagle AND a lion?"

"No, the other lever!"

"Look, Matt wouldn't kill our characters off this early in the game - not after we spent 3 hours creating them!"

"Oh look, friendly natives."

1st Level Barbarian who's Player's only experience with fantasy or role-playing was the two Conan films from the early 80's and the old D&D Computer Games (circa 1990's) "I AM MESHACK THE DESTOYER! NO PUNY GUARDSMAN WILL STOP ME FROM SEEING THE KING! NOW OUT OF MY WAY!"

[Midhir]

Thief hears a strange click as he picks the lock on the chest....

"Should I have checked for traps?"

[dr_venture]

Party enters room in a dungeon with a pool & fountain - no sooner do I finish reading the room description when one player almost cuts me off, points his index finger downward while making a swirly motion, saying, "I break the surface tension of the water."

Correct.

[Targas]

Before the GM could end the description of the next room, the player says
"I'm storming into the next room, hacking and slashing everything which is in my way."
Then the GM concludes
"Ok, you're entering a room of Gas Spores"

[Mellock]

I really hope you meant the favourite last words of *characters*. Because... ouch.

[dulux-oz]

I really hope you meant the favourite last words of *characters*. Because... ouch.

No, sometimes it is players.

And in LARPs its the same thing anyway - of course, we have occasionally been accused of taking things too far...

[viresanimi]

Old classic from an rpg club I was a member of:

"Møjlner... what a sissy name is that for a hammer?"

[Blahness98]

"It's only a few Arasaka mooks, we can take em!" Stated right before running into an Arasaka controlled building and getting owned by about 50 solos...

"It's only one guy.. we can take him." Stated right before the group attacked a cyberpsycho that was more machine than human. Only 2 walked away after that fight and they needed to get New parts from a body bank. The psycho lived and killed them later however...

[Mellock]

"But it's what my character would do."

Hitting a sleeping wyvern on the head after infiltrating the orc fortress. Rest of party tried to talk dwarf out of it. The entire orc army woke up. TPK in two rounds.

[Doswelk]

1st Edition AD&D:

"Staying invisible, I'll take the crown from the top of the dragon's hoard.......hang on can't dragons see through invisibility?"

Me: "The dragon looks up and seems to smile"

[Zeus]

"What's the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?".

[dulux-oz]

"What's the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?".




An African or European swallow?

[Nylanfs]

Huh, who would have thought that would've happened.

[Trenloe]

"As long as he does less than 80 points of damage I'll be OK..."

[rbeard101]

"Wow! I didn't know I knew Fireball" - REALLY Bad Crit Miss...

[Griogre]

"It's OK, just include me in the AOE with the monsters, I'll be fine as long as the wizard doesn't crit..." Naturally, the wizard crits, killing the cleric.

[DLPChris]

"I've got this, they're just ogres."

[Baron28]

Human Fighter: "I look through the window of the door."
DM: "Make a Con saving throw in the tower."

[Baron28]

After a gelatinous cube engulfs a dwarf....
Dwarf: "I cast fireball while engulfed in the cube."

[Dekorume]

Player 1: The DM can kill you with anything, so stop bragging about how powerful your character is
Player 2: Oh yeah? Bet he couldn't kill me with a quadriplegic kobold. *Smiles smugly*

Player 2 sees an armless, legless kobold flying through the air at him screaming curses, not at the player but at his fellow kobolds for launching him to his death, just before the makeshift catapult ammo slams into and kills him.

Player 1: Told you.


As always,

Dek

[Blahness98]

"It's just a wraith. We can take it."

GM shakes his head as the players attack a Dread Wraith..

[JohnD]

"Lets open one more door before we rest. What's the worst that could happen?"

Queue a major boss fight that the party encounters at 20% full strength instead of at full strength.

[jasonthelamb]

"What are the chances of all three of them critting me?"

[Mirloc]

I was playing in a Chivalry and Sorcery game, the character I had was as evil as one could be. The other players would chain my character to a tree to keep him out of civilizations. One day I was chained up, and someone forgot to make sure I couldn't get to the lock. The last thing I said to the party was "What town are you heading to?" I was discovered defiling a temple.

[Gadreun]

"Don't worry I'll save you!"

[Zeus]

"I'm sorry Zeus, your just plain wrong!"

[dulux-oz]

"I'm sorry Zeus, your just plain wrong!"

Oh, I'd love to know the background to this one :)

[Gadreun]

yeah challenging your DM in an argumentative way is not conducive to character (or player) longevity!

[Zeus]

Oh, I'd love to know the background to this one :)

Far too many to list here ... he he

An example:

Player 1: "I'm playing an elven ranger called "Legolas"
Zeus: "Seriously, thats the best you can come up with?"
Player 1: "What's wrong with Legolas?"
Zeus: "Nothinguntil Mr Jackson tarnished his image forever. I'd prefer not have to call you Legolas all evening, change it please."
Player 1: "I'm sorry Zeus, your just plain wrong!"
Zeus: "The skies darken and the sounds of distant and foreboding rumbling sounds from the heavens above .... ". [rolls secret dice roll], "... quite suddenly a bolt of lightning shatters the air, striking your character straight in the face incinerating you into a quivering, twitching charred corpse which falls to ground and crumbles upon impact The o'Mighty Silly Name God has struck again for lack of imagination! Your dead. Roll up an new character."

[dulux-oz]

Far too many to list here ... he he

An example:

Player 1: "I'm playing an elven ranger called "Legolas"
Zeus: "Seriously, thats the best you can come up with?"
Player 1: "What's wrong with Legolas?"
Zeus: "Nothinguntil Mr Jackson tarnished his image forever. I'd prefer not have to call you Legolas all evening, change it please."
Player 1: "I'm sorry Zeus, your just plain wrong!"
Zeus: "The skies darken and the sounds of distant and foreboding rumbling sounds from the heavens above .... ". [rolls secret dice roll], "... quite suddenly a bolt of lightning shatters the air, striking your character straight in the face incinerating you into a quivering, twitching charred corpse which falls to ground and crumbles upon impact The o'Mighty Silly Name God has struck again for lack of imagination! Your dead. Roll up an new character."

Remind me not to p!ss you off - at least not unless I'm the GM.

[Zeus]

Muahahaha!

[dulux-oz]

Muahahaha!

Yes, that's an appropriate "last word" :p

[msouthward]

The party was gathered at the door, looking down a long narrow passage, suspiciously clean compared to the rest of the abandoned temple they had been exploring.
"I'll barge past the party and go explore down the passage" - said the 1st level sorcerer moments before he walked into a gelatinous cube.

[malvok]

GM starts drawing two huge shapes on the map.
Player(Me): Let me guess, those are his feet.

[kitty_obsidian]

Player1: It's just a giant, kitty is a giant slayer, we'll be fine.
Player 2: Kitty isn't here to play her character.
Player 1: So? I'm rolling her *rolls a 1, critically fails*
Player 1: ahhh ****.

[Baron28]

Human Ranger: I'm going to drop my bow and step up with my 2 short swords and attack this orc.
DM: You drop the bow, draw your swords, step up and swing away.
Human Ranger: Miss on the first. Miss on the second. I want to step back and end my turn.
DM: You'll take an AOO if you move away.
Human Ranger: I'll risk it.
DM: The orc counter attacks with his great axe. A crit!
Human Ranger: Oh crap!
DM: Damage is over half your HP max. Roll a CON Saving Throw to see if you go into shock. DC 15.
Human Ranger: a 13
DM: Roll on the System Shock Table
Human Ranger: a 1
DM: You drop to 0 HP and fall unconscious. Roll on the Lingering Injuries table.
Human Ranger: a 2
DM: The orc has chopped off your foot! You will need to find a healer who can cast greater restoration to repair the severed foot.

[Mask_of_winter]

Hold my beer!

[Ellspeth]

I have only GM'd a few, however as a player the GM seemed particularly delighted when, as my huntress stood over her unconscious teammate, an ogre (long story) she was offered an opportunity to surrender. Gesturing with her bow to the ogre she asks "If I surrender what are you going to do with him". "We're going to kill him". She lifts her bow and responds "The you will have to kill me to". Gm seemed quite happy to oblige.

[dulux-oz]

I have only GM'd a few, however as a player the GM seemed particularly delighted when, as my huntress stood over her unconscious teammate, an ogre (long story) she was offered an opportunity to surrender. Gesturing with her bow to the ogre she asks "If I surrender what are you going to do with him". "We're going to kill him". She lifts her bow and responds "The you will have to kill me to". Gm seemed quite happy to oblige.

The stuff that legends are made of ;)

[Moepsii]

Even thou i dont have that much experience as a DM i have a few already...

"No i dont have a Torch on me i use the light spell"

"I just let my skeleton wolf scout the whole area and then he comes back to me"

"My willsave is -2"

"Its an immobile plant that can eat us whole, what could go wrong attacking it in melee"

[midas]

"F**k it, I'm opening the door."

[Doswelk]

Player 1: "If I critically fail the unskilled roll, I will detonate the nuke?"
Me: "Yes"
Player 2: "Wait for <player 3> he has knowledge explosives, he'll arrive before the bomb goes off!"
Player 1: "What could go wrong I have 2 bennies left. I'm going for it!"

[Baron28]

DM: The hallway ends and turns to the north
Players: Ok, we head north at the end of the hallway
DM: You see the hallway extend out to the dim light of your torch. You have reason to believe it continues beyond the dim light.
Players: We continue until we can't go any further
DM: The hallway ends at a large iron-bound oaken door with many locks.
Players: I open the door.
DM: It is locked.
Players: I pick the lock
DM: You fail at picking the lock
Player failed at lock picking: Is it my lousy attempt or is this lock un-pickable?
DM: Insight check. (Player rolls). You are positive it's not you. It's the door.
Player: I rage and ram the door.
DM: You bounce off the door and reason the door can't be forced
Player: I'm going to hack away at the door.
DM: You eventually breach the door and hear sounds of music and singing that grow more faint until you hear nothing. The hallway is 50 feet long and the floor is made of marble. The walls and ceiling are acandescent.
Player: We move in. (2 players move at least 30' feet into the room)
DM: Roll a DEX saving throw as the hallway begins to tilt down at the far end and up at the near end which is close to the door.
Player: Rolling...
DM: Both of you fail, slip and fall down on the slick marble floor. Both of you begin to slide and are dumped into a fiery pit that leads to the elemental plane of fire. Both of you die instantly!
Players: WTF!

[damned]

DM: The hallway ends and turns to the north
Players: Ok, we head north at the end of the hallway
DM: You see the hallway extend out to the dim light of your torch. You have reason to believe it continues beyond the dim light.
Players: We continue until we can't go any further
DM: The hallway ends at a large iron-bound oaken door with many locks.
Players: I open the door.
DM: It is locked.
Players: I pick the lock
DM: You fail at picking the lock
Player failed at lock picking: Is it my lousy attempt or is this lock un-pickable?
DM: Insight check. (Player rolls). You are positive it's not you. It's the door.
Player: I rage and ram the door.
DM: You bounce off the door and reason the door can't be forced
Player: I'm going to hack away at the door.
DM: You eventually breach the door and hear sounds of music and singing that grow more faint until you hear nothing. The hallway is 50 feet long and the floor is made of marble. The walls and ceiling are acandescent.
Player: We move in. (2 players move at least 30' feet into the room)
DM: Roll a DEX saving throw as the hallway begins to tilt down at the far end and up at the near end which is close to the door.
Player: Rolling...
DM: Both of you fail, slip and fall down on the slick marble floor. Both of you begin to slide and are dumped into a fiery pit that leads to the elemental plane of fire. Both of you die instantly!
Players: WTF!


Sometimes a door is locked for good reason.

[Mortar]

player 1 - Wasn't there a legend about a dragon living somewhere near here?

player 2 - Does it look like a dragon can fit into this cave?

[Wazoodust]

Player: You played that wrong

DM: Really?

[kwarner1986]

Players carefully search the room along the outer wall avoiding the sarcophagus in the middle of the room.
Player A (calling to Player B from the other side of the room): "Hey come check this out."
Player B runs across the middle of the room and hears the audio click of the pressure plate.
Player B: "Opps."

[Jingo]

From the depths beneath an Inca temple, where aliens with razor sharp teeth and claws are hot on the player's heels as they race for the surface.
Player 1: How long did you set it (big freaking bomb) for?
Player 2: 15 minutes.
Player 1: What?! It took us over an hour to get down here.
Player 2: We're just going to have to move faster...

[Mortar]

This comes to mind...

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